Teksty: Weird Al Yankovic. Don't Touch That.

Eew! Don't touch that!
[Regular voice]
Oooh! Don't touch that
You don't know where it's been
Don't touch wet paint
Don't touch that dial
[Old man]
A rotten egg? Yecch, don't touch that!
Never touch yellow snow
Not even with a ten-foot pole
[Droopy]
Never touch food that glows
Or Doctor Demento
Yes, don't touch that!
[Bullwinkle]
Hey, watch me pull
A rabbit from my hat
Wait, that's not a rabbit
Oooh! Don't touch that
[Bill Cosby]
When you find lumps in your puddin' pops
Don't touch 'em, they're not cool
[?]
Don't stick your finger in the ear
Of a fat chick at school
[Goofy]
Gawrsh, never touch anything
That's dragged in by the cat
[Kid voice]
Greasy grimy gopher guts
Eeew, don't touch that!
[Cheech]
Hey man, don't touch my ol' lady!
[Swishy voice]
You can lookee, but no touchee!
[Sexy woman]
Oooh! Don't touch me there!
[?]
Don't touch milk if it's crunchy
[Old lady]
Never sit on a wet seat
[?]
Don't touch it (like) that woman in heat
[French accent]
Aaah, (Speaking French)
Get away from my weed whackers!
Don't touch that!
[Fussy voice]
Never touch a tissue
That's rolled up in a ball
[Eddie Murphy]
Never touch the gummy gums
Of Arsenio Hall
[Apu]
Welcome to 7-Eleven
Don't touch the Slurpee machine
[Ernest]
Hey, I wouldn't touch that pit bull
That's foamin' at the mouth
Know what I mean?
[Group]
Never touch the wart
On Aunt Martha's chin
Never touch what's on you
When you sneeze in the wind
Ah-choo!
[Dracula]
Good evening
Don't touch the blood
From a vampire bat
[Hysterical giggling]
Ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha ha
Don't touch that!
[Rapper]
Don't play catch
With a scuzzball
Don't pick bugs
From your windshield
Don't touch a slug
Or a hairball
[Group]
Oooh! Don't touch that
[Reagan]
Uh, well, I wouldn't touch it
If I could remember what it was for
[Godfather]
Last guy who touched this
He ain't around no more
[W C Fields]
Ah yes, you haven't had tequila
Until you get the worm
[Jewish]
I don't think a worm is kosher
It's schmutz!
Don't touch that
[Group]
Eeew, ee-eeew, ee-eeew, ee-eeew!
Oooh!
Eeew, ee-eeew, ee-eeew, ee-eeew!
Yecch!
[Valley girl]
Oh my god that's cowabunga dude!
Don't touch that!
[Clint Eastwood]
Go ahead, make my day
Touch that!
[Pee Wee Herman]
Uh oh! Honk honk!
Don't touch that, ha ha ha (crash!)
[Engineer]
Okay, we're ready for take ninety-nine in here
Uh, don't touch that button please
[Another voice]
Hic! You mean this button here?
[Engineer]
Yeah, that big red button...DON'T TOUCH THAT!
[Voice]
What happens if, Hic! I touch this button here?
[Engineer]
No! Not that button! Please! DON'T TOUCH THAT!

[giant explosion]

(Thanks to Jacob for these lyrics)