Teksty: Abbott and Costello. Who's On First?.

Abbott: How do you?how do you like my lawn club for St. Lou?
Costello: Hey, all those people gonna be at the game today?
Abbott: Certainly.
Costello: Ah, this is gonna be a whopper of a game!
Abbott: Well it should be.
Costello: Hey, Abbott?
Abbott: What?
Costello: I understand they made you the manager of this here whole great team.
Abbott: Why not?
Costello: So you the manager?
Abbott: I?m the manager!
Costello: Well, you know, I?d like to know some of the guys? names on the team so when I meet ?em on the street or in the ballpark I?ll be able to say, ?Hello,? to those people.
Abbott: Why sure I?ll introduce you to the boys. They give ?em funny names though, St. Lou.
Costello: Oh I know they give those ball players awful funny names.
Abbott: Well, let?s see, on the team we have uh Who?s on first, What?s on second, I Don?t Know is on third?
Costello: Are you the manager?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: You know the guys? names?
Abbott: I sure do.
Costello: Then tell me the guys? names.
Abbott: I say, Who?s on first, What?s on second, I Don?t Know?s on third and then you?
Costello: You the manager?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: You know the guys? names?
Abbott: I?m telling you their names!
Costello: Well who?s on first?
Abbott: Yeah.
Costello: Go ahead and tell me.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy on first.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy playin? first base.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy on first.
Abbott: Who is on first!
Costello: What are you askin? me for? I?m askin? you!
Abbott: I?m not asking you, I?m telling you.
Costello: You ain?t tellin? me nothin?. I?m askin? you, who?s on first?
Abbott: That?s it!
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.
Abbott: Who!
Costello: The guy on first base.
Abbott: That?s his name.
Costello: That?s whose name?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.
Abbott: That?s the man?s name!
Costello: That?s whose name?
Abbott: Yeah!
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me!
Abbott: Who is on first.
Costello: What are you askin? me for? I?m askin? you, who?s on first?
Abbott: That?s it.
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy on first.
Abbott: That?s it.
Costello: What?s the guy?s name on first?
Abbott: No, What?s on second.
Costello: I?m not askin? you who?s on second!
Abbott: Who?s on first.
Costello: That?s what I?m askin? you! Who?s on first?
Abbott: Now wait a minute. Don?t?don?t change the players.
Costello: I?m not changin? nobody! I asked you a simple question. What?s the guys? name on first base?
Abbott: What?s the guy?s name on second base.
Costello: I?m not askin? you who?s on second!
Abbott: Who?s on first.
Costello: I don?t know.
Abbott: He?s on third. Now we?re not talking about him.
Costello: Look, you got a first baseman?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Then tell me the fella?s name playin? first.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy playin? first.
Abbott: That?s his name.
Costello: Wait?What?s the guy?s name on first base?
Abbott: What is the guy?s name on second base!
Costello: Who?s playin? second?
Abbott: Who?s playin? first.
Costello: I don?t know.
Abbott: He?s on third base.
Costello: Look, when you pay off the first baseman every month, who do you pay the money to?
Abbott: Every dollar of it.
Costello: Yeah. Look, you gotta pay the money to somebody on first base, don?t you?
Abbott: Yeah.
Costello: Does he give you a receipt?
Abbott: Sure.
Costello: How does he sign the receipt?
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy that you give the money to.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy you give the money to.
Abbott: That?s how he signs it.
Costello: That?s how who signs it?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me!?Abbott: That?s it.
Costello: That?s who?
Abbott: Yeah.
Costello: When you give the guy the money, doesn?t he have to sign the receipt?
Abbott: He does!
Costello: Well how does he sign his name?
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy you give the money to.
Abbott: That?s how he signs it!
Costello: You! You?You just don?t give money to someone without having ?em sign the receipt!
Abbott: No! Who signs it.
Costello: What are you askin? me for?
Abbott: Now calm down. I?m not asking you, I am telling you. The?
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me. What?s the guy?s name that signs the receipt on first base?
Abbott: Well now wait a minute. What signs his own receipt.
Costello: Who signs his own receipt?
Abbott: No, Who signs his.
Costello: I?m askin? you, when the guy on first base gives you a piece of paper?
Abbott: Yes, now wait?
Costello: ?he puts his name on it.
Abbott: No, Who puts his name on it?
Costello: How?
Abbott: ?and what puts his name on it?
Costello: How does the fella?s name on first base look to you when he signs his name?
Abbott: Who.
Costello: To you.
Abbott: That?s how it does.
Costello: How does it look to you?
Abbott: Who!
Costello: To you.

Abbott: Who!
Costello: To you.
Abbott: Who! Look?
Costello: When the guy signs his name, how does it look to you?
Abbott: Now that?s how it looks. Who.
Costello: H?How?Who?
Abbott: Who.
Costello: I?m askin? you. What?s the guy?s name on first base you give the money to?
Abbott: Who! After all, the man?s entitled to it?
Costello: Who is?
Abbott: Yes. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.
Costello: Whose wife?
Abbott: Yeah, sure.
Costello: All I?m tryin? to find out is what?s the guy?s name on first base?
Abbott: What is on second base.
Costello: I?m not askin? you who?s on second.
Abbott: Who?s on first.
Costello: I don?t know.
Abbott: He?s?
Costello: Third base, I know.
Abbott: Yeah.
Costello: You got a outfield?
Abbott: Sure.
Costello: The left fielder?s name?
Abbott: Why.
Costello: I just thought I?d ask you.
Abbott: Well I just thought I?d tell you.
Costello: The left fielder?s name?
Abbott: Why!?Costello: Hmm?Because!
Abbott: Oh, he?s centerfield.
Costello: Oh?
Abbott: Told you all these players got?
Costello: All I?m tryin? to figure out is what?s the guy?s name in leftfield.
Abbott: Now, What?s on second.
Costello: I?m not askin? you who?s on second.
Abbott: Who?s on first.
Costello: I don?t know?
Both: Third base.
Costello: You got a pitcher on this team?
Abbott: Wouldn?t be a fine team without a pitcher.
Costello: What?s his name?
Abbott: Tomorrow.
Costello: You don?t want to tell me today?
Abbott: I?m telling you.
Costello: Then go ahead.
Abbott: Tomorrow!?Costello: What time?
Abbott: What time what?
Costello: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who?s pitching?
Abbott: Now listen. Who is not?
Costello: I?ll break your arm, you say who?s on first! I want to know what?s the pitcher?s name?
Abbott: What?s on second.
Costello: I don?t know.
Both: Third base!
Costello: You got a catcher?
Abbott: Sure.
Costello: The catcher?s name?
Abbott: Today.
Costello: Today. You don?t wanna tell me, today?tomorrow?do you?
Abbott: I?m telling you.
Costello: So the catcher?s name?
Abbott: Today.
Costello: Today. And Tomorrow?s pitching.
Abbott: Now you?ve got it!
Costello: Now I?ve got it?
Abbott: Hey!
Costello: All we got is a couple of days on the team!
Abbott: Well I can?t help that.
Costello: All right. You know now, I?m a good catcher. Now, I get behind the plate and? and Tomorrow?s pitching on my team and a heavy hitter gets up.
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Now when he gets up, me being a good catcher, I?m gonna throw the guy out at first base. So the guy bunts the ball. I pick up the ball; I?m gonna throw the guy out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who?
Abbott: Now that?s the first thing you?ve said right.
Costello: I don?t even know what I?m talkin? about!
Abbott: Well that?s?That?s all you have?
Costello: That?s all I have to do is to throw the ball to first base. Now who?s got it?
Abbott: Naturally. Now you?ve got it.
Costello: I throw the ball to first base, somebody?s gotta get the ball! Now who?s got it?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Who?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Naturally?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.
Abbott: No, no, no, no?
Costello: He gets the ball. Naturally gets the ball and?Nat?
Abbott: You throw the ball to first base.
Costello: Then who gets it?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.
Abbott: No!
Costello: Naturally gets the ball and?and?
Abbott: You throw the ball to Who.
Costello: Naturally.
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: That?s what I?m saying!?Abbott: You?re not saying it?
Costello: I said, I throw the ball to Naturally.
Abbott: No you don?t!
Costello: I throw it to who?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: That?s what I?m saying!
Abbott: No it isn?t.
Costello: I throw the ball to first base, somebody?s gotta get it.
Abbott: So Who gets it.
Costello: Naturally.
Abbott: That?s it.
Costello: Okay. Now I ask you, who gets it?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Same as you!
Abbott: Now listen?
Costello: I throw the ball to Naturally.
Abbott: You throw the ball to Who!?Costello: Then who gets it?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: He better get it! So I throw the ball to first base.
Abbott: All right.
Costello: Whoever gets it drops the ball and the guy runs to second. Now, Who picks up the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don?t Know. I Don?t Know throws it back to Tomorrow, triple play.
Abbott: Could be.
Costello: Another guy gets up and hits a long fly ball to Because.
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Why? I don?t know! He?s on third and I don?t give a darn!
Abbott: What?d you say?
Costello: I said, I don?t give a darn!
Abbott: Oh, that?s our shortstop!